Posts tagged thoughts.

I’m glad I didn’t go to college too far away from home. I’m glad I can drive down to Irvine and catch up with old friends every now and then. But it always makes me miss college. 

I saw a few faces I haven’t seen in a while. Amrita and Karisha asked me about Europe, and when I told them I went by myself they both looked so shocked! David seemed pretty surprised when I told him I travelled solo as well. It was kind of funny to see their faces.

Ryan and Kevin asked me if I really went by myself, they weren’t as shocked. They were more interested in how I managed in pulling it off and where I went. Kevin asked how long I was there because he said he saw my posts on facebook/IG and thought “she’s still there?!” 

I’m still pretty surprised I managed to plan and afford a whole trip by myself as well. Sometimes I wonder what my younger self would think if I told them that in a few years I would travel to Europe by myself. 

It’s almost been a month since I’ve been back and talking about Europe still makes me miss it. Nostalgia hasn’t hit me this hard in a while. 

Respect

Working has definitely taught me some things.

  • I now have great respect for anyone who works. Even a seemingly easy job can be difficult. You never know when someone could be having an off week/day. 
  • People (including myself) are stupid. Haha that sounds mean, but really, people are stupid.

Work is exhausting. Only had 2 days of class and I already have homework. I actually see a lot of people I know when I’m working, it’s kind of funny. Some people already I know I drive shuttles, and some people look surprised and tell me they didn’t know I worked for the shuttles haha. Got to catch up on some sleep last night. Saw some people on campus that I thought would be funny to see, didn’t think I’d actually see them. Trying to make plans with friends is become more difficult with work, but that makes the time we spend together more special :) 

And I’m back home! I can’t wait to eat Filipino food again. Soon my microwaveables will run out and I’ll have to figure out how to cook…or starve .____. My dad just told me one of my brake lights is out…good thing I came back home. 

I feel like I’m changing/changed. It’s weird, I’m not really sure. I mean, I can’t pinpoint what’s changing or how I used to be. I mean is that how people usually feel when they change? Is that why people deny it when someone tells them they’ve changed? 

Why do we take photographs? To remember something that won’t happen again. To capture a memory. So that one day you can look back at them and wonder. My sister discovered a box of old photos and as we laughed and looked through them something struck me. Some of those people in the photos don’t exist in my life anymore. Or my parent’s life. I’m still so young, but not too young to understand that people can exit your life as easily as they entered it. Relationships turn sour and people drift apart. But as I looked at those photos I could only remember that once they were a part of my life. Remembering how my mom probably told everyone to stand together as she took a picture, or how I felt that day, or how simple things were in that moment. I don’t think a lot about the future, about how my relationships will turn out anyway. 

I bought my camera over a year ago. I have over a year worth of memories, and every time I look through my photos I can only remember how I felt during that moment. I don’t know what I wanted to do with my camera when I first bought it, I only remember how elated I was that after months of saving the moment I was waiting for had finally come. I am still learning and I am nowhere near as good as I want to be. I don’t take it seriously enough. But with each stolen moment. Each candid shot. Each memory. Each photograph is a moment that I’ll never get back. Why do I take photographs? To remember something that won’t happen again? To capture a memory? So that one day I can look back at them and remember? Yeah. So that I can look back and be thankful for the people and moments that have helped me get to where I am today. Because even though it’s over, even if we don’t talk anymore…it happened, I learned, I grew, I’m here today.

(Photo: Lombard Street by My dad circa 1999? Last time we were in SF. He had a film SLR back then…crazy. The only thing I remember from that trip was getting sea sick on the boat and yelling “TAXI!” because I saw it on a Nickelodeon/Nick Jr short, HAHA I was probably 6 or 7, and thought it would work and having to squeeze four of us in the back of a taxi while my dad sat in front)

This is a story about two people. The first person can’t understand why things keep changing. Relationships and people. She realizes that things can’t be the same way that things were before, because things have changed too much. But the second person is tired of things staying the same. He realizes that no matter how long it has been, some things will always be the same as before. 

This is a story of a girl who couldn’t wait for things to change. And now finds herself wishing that some things would stay the same. This is a story of a boy who was hoping that things would change. And now finds that himself feeling the same as always.

This is the story about two friends…who still have a lot to learn.

My eyes are tired, but my thoughts won’t let me sleep. Maybe if I write them down.

I can’t stop thinking about my life. About the future. About classes I should take. About college. And I think about the people around me. And I think about time. And I think about words. And I think about how difficult it is for me to not communicate in person. And I think about miscommunication. And I think about relationships. And time. 

Some nights these thoughts like to come rushing at me. And I just let them stay, because they’re the same things thoughts over and over again. It probably doesn’t mean anything. I just want to type out my general thoughts…because if I don’t tell anybody they’ll stay inside. And I don’t want to tell anybody. I just want to type this out. And leave it here. In this empty space.